Am I so lucky or damned to hell?
by kissxtoxbetray
Summary: I could never have her? I am more of a gentleman that the man who pulled her away from me. She wasn’t really with me to being with. I wish she was. Why did she walk into my life? Am I so lucky or damned to hell?
1. Chapter 1

**I'm new at this so don't shoot me. I don't own any of the characters or titles. I'm not that much of a genius.**

* * *

I embarked on an adventure from Europe back to America with Cal someone I wish I had never met. I prayed to myself that I would meet someone that swept my heart as I boarded the Titanic." _The ship of dreams," I mumbled to myself_. Now if it could make mine come true, it would truly be a miracle.

My name is Rose. Rose DeWitt Bukater. At the age of only sixteen I lost my father. He was the only one that loved me or so I believed. My own mother never muttered a word about love. As far back as I can remember it's always been, " _Rose sit up straight," _or _" Rose where are your manners?" _I can't even remember my own father and mothershare a single kiss or even I love you between the two of them. Life seemed hopeless and lonely. I wanted to get out of here. That dream came true, but it wasn't the right way to answer my plea for help.

My mother never seemed to be completely satisfied with me. Before I knew it, I was off to finishing school where I practiced, in my mother's words, _"The proper way to be a lady."_ In rather slow time, I finished school and returned home, where I found out that I had a suitor for marriage. His name was Caledon Hockley, but he preferred Cal. He was a very rich man indeed, the richest we knew. My mother and I had no money left over after my father died. The medical bills took all of it away. He left us with a low class name, and that was no way for a lady to live. Therefore, bringing Caledon Hockley into my life. In my mothers words,"_ He's a blessing to us Rose. He will solve all of our money problems. We'll never have to live in poverty. Don't you want that for me Rose?"_ . Of course I wanted that for her, but not this way.

Money shouldn't matter this much to someone, but it did to my mother. I soon found out that it mattered even more to Cal. It was all he ever worried about and even talked about. I for one just wanted to be loved, and he never did that.

Cal and mother wanted to go back to America and escape our families bad name on a ship named the Titanic. It was built in 1911 and set sail on April 10, 1912. The unsinkable ship seemed to be my ticket out of misery or did it bring me further into it?

I felt as though I was trapped with Cal, and I wanted to break free. Cal had other plans though. He purposed to me months before we set sail. And I was forced to say yes. Back into pain I go. The invitations were all sent out. Everyone in Philadelphia was going to be there, and I didn't want to be there. Cal and I were to be married once after we docked in America. I hoped something would change this horrible nightmare.

* * *

April 10, 1912

I boarded the Titanic, and unpacked in one of our rooms. I had never seen such a amazing place in all the world. It was like a palace, where I hoped to meet my prince. Cal wasn't my knight in shining armor, but I knew I'd find him here I could feel it.

The day pursued, and it involved unpacking and dining with high class individuals that spoke of nothing really that interested me.

I excused myself from the dining room and slipped off to the room where I undressed myself and got into my nightgown. Afterwards I tried to fall asleep, but I was thinking of "him". I was thinking of the love I wished to have with my one and only, except I haven't found him.

I soon fell asleep.

* * *

_As the ship went down, I realized that this was it. I knew in back of her mind that the water was going to hit me like a thousand knives of ice plunging into my heart, but for some reason I thought I could make it. I contemplated if Jack would make it with me. He said he was a survivor. Here's the time to show it._

_Maybe it was because of the love I had in my heart that was beating below the fear that the Titanic brought to me or maybe it was just Jack. I had become strong inside. The strongest that I've ever been. I had become strong to live, to live with him._

_Jack Dawson, whom I had only known for a few short days before the ship was hit by the iceberg. The number of days didn't matter, it felt like I had known him all my life. That night was a night I would never forget. How he took me to the stars just with his eyes._

_But none of that mattered now. The ship was going down by the head as Jack held onto me for dear life. I promised him to never let go of his hand when we touched water. As we hit the water, I felt his grip tighten around my hand._

_I screamed to Jack, " I know we're going to make it. Don't give up on me now, Jack."_

* * *

I awoke that morning feeling completely refreshed. The first thought that came to my mind was about that man in my dream. He had to be my dream man or I saw into the future or something. I just hoped that he was on the ship searching for me as I was him.

* * *

I've never been so lucky in my life to be on this ship..The Titanic. My home until we reach America.

My name is Jack Dawson, and I won this ticket to embark on the Titanic in a hand of poker with my friend Fabrizio. Otherwise I would have never had money to pay for a ticket. I'm never one to stay in the same spot for very long. You see I come from Chippewa Falls in Wisconsin, and know I'm all the way here in Europe. About to take an adventure on the Titanic.

When I was young, I lost my parents, so I had no reason to stay in Wisconsin. I was an only child and had no one to take care of me, that's what brought me to Europe. I met Fabrizio here, and we became great friends even though he can't speak very much English, but I understood what he meant.

I'm here to live my life to the fullest. _And maybe find my true love._

The bartender of the bar we were playing poker at told us we only had five minutes until the ship set sail. And you can believe that we ran like hell to catch that ship.

We ran into a member of the White Star Line industry and he asked,"_ Have you been checked?" _and we lied as we said,_" Yes we're Americans anyways the both of us."_

Fabrizio and I ran to the ship deck and waved goodbye to everyone until every last person on land could no longer be seen. We then searched for our room and found it in the third class section known as "steerage".

For the rest of the night Fabrizio and I looked around the ship. We really didn't have anything to unpack. We both only carried one suitcase a piece. Dinner time rolled around and we went and ate. The only thing I could think about was how tired I was all of a sudden like I was meant to go to sleep right then.

I excused myself from Fabrizio and our new found friends and went to our room where I fell asleep quite quickly.

_

* * *

_

_As the ship went down, I realized that this was it. I knew in back of my mind that the water was going to hit me like a thousand knives of ice plunging into my heart, but for some reason I thought I could make it. I contemplated if Rose would make it with me. I knew she was strong and that she could do this for me._

_Maybe it was because of the love I had in my heart that was beating below the fear that the Titanic brought to me or maybe it was just Rose. I had become stronger inside. The strongest that I've ever been. I had become strong to live, to live with her._

_Rose DeWitt Bukater, whom I had only known for a few short days before the ship was hit by the iceberg. The number of days didn't matter, it felt like I had known her all my life. That night was a night I would never forget. How she took me to the stars just with her eyes._

_But none of that mattered now. The ship was going down by the head as Rose held onto me for dear life. I made her promise to not let go of my hand when we went under the water. No matter how strong the pull was to never let go, and she agreed to my promise. As we hit the water, I felt her grip tighten around my hand._

_She screamed to me, " I know we're going to make it. Don't give up on me now, Jack."_

_I believed her. _

* * *

I woke up Fabrizio shaking me screaming at me. I didn't really know what he was saying that he just wanted me to wake up. I did just that. When I woke up, I thought of the Rose girl I had dreamed about. She had to be the girl of my dreams. She just had to be.

I just hoped that she was on the ship searching for me like I was searching for **_her._**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm new at this so don't shoot me. I don't own any of the characters or titles. I'm not that much of a genius.**

* * *

As I sat on the ship deck with Fabri, a Scottish fellow introduced himself to us. His name was Tommy Ryan, or so he said.

I bummed a cigarette off of Tommy as I sat down on the bench. I lit the cigarette with a match from a box of matches hidden in my jacket pocket. I was sketching the horizon in my portfolio as I felt my heart flutter. For some reason my knees began to grow weak even thought my body was resting on the bench underneath me. My heart was begging for me to bring my gaze upwards, but my mind was telling me no. My mind

screamed, _" Don't I'm afraid."_ Truly I was scared, but I also had a hint of hope in me. That if I looked up I would see Rose.

Rose. I didn't even know her, but she's the lady of my dreams. The brightener of my nightmares. My angel.

I brought my gaze up slightly, and I fell into a state of calmness. The world around me faded away as I deepened my stare. I felt a connection as I stared into her eyes. It was like I knew her. It was **_her_...**

* * *

In the morning I woke up and had tea with Cal. I had to act as though he were already married to satisfy him. And that was all I ever did to satisfy him, never anything more.

"_I'm not a foremen in one of your mills that you can command! I am your fiancee."_ I managed to belt out.

Cal's face started to redden. I knew that I was about to receive a horrible lecture or a slap across the face.

" _Fiancee, my fiancee, yes you are! And my wife! My wife in practice, if not yet by law, so you will honor me. The way a wife is required to honor a husband._ _Because I will not be made out a fool, Rose! Is this anyway unclear?"_

I was afraid to speak. I thought if I did that he would surely beat me, and I didn't want that to happen to me anymore.

I simply shook my head softly and answered. _"No."_

Before I bursted from frustration I politely excused myself from breakfast with Cal. I walked out to the rear of the boat, and held onto the railing as I stared out into the horizon.

As I was standing there my heart seemed to skip a beat. My head started to spin as I began to lose my balance, but I regained it quickly. I wondered what was going on with my body, especially my heart.

My gaze seemed to drift over to a man daydreaming on a near by bench. He was taking a drag from his cigarette as he drew in his portfolio. I had no idea what he was sketching, but I guessed it was the sun above the horizon and the water underneath reflecting the sun. It was an amazing view to witness, and I don't mean the sunrise.

His hair was blond and strands of his hair fell in his face as he worked away on his drawing. His eyes were a shade of shockingly electric blue that I had never seen before. I could see the concentration gleam in his eyes. I wanted to know the story that his eyes would unlock. I kept studying his behaviors and as I was doing so his gaze met mine, and I blushed immensely._ Did we have the same dream? Does he know my name like I know his?_ I saw a smile creep across his face. That smile brought more happiness to my heart then Cal ever has. _Yes I think so. I really do._

* * *

She stood there with such pose and posture, it was an amazing sight to see. She had such grace like a swan on some lakes glistening water. Her eyes glimmered like a diamond, only green. They reflected a hint of frustration maybe even sadness. I wanted to know her story, her life story.

When I glanced back up she was gazing upon me as she studied me. _I can't say anything. I was just doing the same to her. _Noticing this I started to blush uncontrollably as did she. A sweet smile was plastered across my face. It brought a smirk to her lips as she saw my smile, but it quickly ended as a gentleman in a fancy suit appeared behind her and ripped her from my gaze. _Who was he? Rose. Was she already in love? Am I already doomed to be without her? I haven't even met her. Only in my dreams..._

I daydreamed of embracing her with arms wrapped around her waist tight as my lips cascaded down on her cheeks. Then I'd imagine my lips moving from her cheek to her lips as I placed a soft yet gentle kiss upon her ruby red lips.

I was stuck with my lips poked out when I snapped back to reality. My friends were staring at me like I had lost all of my sense I had gained over the years.

" _What can't a guy daydream?"_ I exclaimed as I brought my lips back together tightly.

" _uh a si." _Fabri commented.

Tommy just shook his head like he was disappointed in me. _But why?_

"_Ah, forget it, boyo. You're as like to have angels fly out your arse as get next to the likes of her. "_

_I could never have her?_ I'm a member of the third class or what royalty would call a gutter rat or trash? I am more of a gentleman that the man who pulled her away from me. She wasn't really with me to being with. I wish she was. _Why did she walk into my life? Am I so lucky or damned to hell?_


End file.
